how did you know that nottingham was the university for you?
It’s like when you’re young and you go on a long school trip or stay with extended family for a while, and you’re away from your mum and your dogs and the comfort of knowing that Sunday night is a routine of a roast dinner, a shower and putting on pyjamas straight out of the tumble dryer. And when you finally get home all of these little things feel infinitely warmer and more special, because you can never love something as much as you miss it.
Going to Nottingham gave me that feeling. Going there was like going home.
Eventually something you love is going to be taken away. And then you will fall to the floor crying. And then, however much later, it is finally happening to you: you’re falling to the floor crying thinking, ‘I am falling to the floor crying,’ but there’s an element of the ridiculous to it — you knew it would happen and, even worse, while you’re on the floor crying you look at the place where the wall meets the floor and you realise you didn’t paint it very well.
━ Richard Siken
what do you find beautiful?
Freckles. Sitting in silence with someone who has just cried more tears than you thought humanly impossible, because they aren’t ready to talk but you are ready to listen. Goosebumps after listening to a really, really great song for the first time. Laughter that hurts your belly. The smile of someone who finally believes they’re deserving of love, after years of doubting themselves.
in 7 words or less, tell me something comforting
There is always someone who loves you.
life update: things got a bit shitty over the summer and I’ve decided to take a year out from university (I’ll start my second year in 2015) due to anxiety, soo things are a bit up in the air right now. I’m looking into jobs/internships because I am a teenager pretending to be an adult who has bills and rent to pay, when really all I want to do is watch another episode of the good wife. at first this decision kinda crushed me, because going off to university was supposed to be this magical transition that would solve all my problems. alas, that’s not how it works.
but i’m feeling positive! and optimistic that I can make something out of this year so that by next year I’m a person who can begin to deal with exam stress and a fear of failure (even a little).
to all the worriers out there, we’ll get through this.
It’s a-level results day and I just want to say to everyone expecting results/news from your dream university, that you will get through this. Whether it’s good news (in that case I am sending an early congratulations to you!! and make sure you listen to your mum and not spend all your money on fancy dress in preparation for freshers week like I did) or bad, you will get through this.
If you haven’t gotten the grades you hoped for or haven’t been accepted into the university you’d like, please please please know you are not a failure. Exam results do not define who you are. Making someone laugh after they’ve been crying, being thoughtful and kind to the people who may not deserve your love, cooking your mum tea after she’s had a hard week; these are the things that define who you are.
You will cry enough tears to fill an ocean but you will get through this.
"we almost dated" is a heartbreakingly accurate description of my love life right now.