this week i went to see benedict cumberbatch as hamlet and it was brilliant!!! it’s the second play i’ve ever seen live (second only to a showing of the BFG i was treated to age 7), and holy moly was it a cracker of a performance. i went with one of my best friend’s from university, ned, and although neither of us understood every single word said, it was nice to experience something we wouldn’t usually think much of. we ate tacos and quesadillas in camden and then proceeded to get ready for a night out at a club called roxy with ned’s childhood friend ciar, where we spent an hour and a half drinking as much long island ice tea as our stomachs could handle and dancing to jamie t and the libertines. stumbling back to ciar’s flat at 4am we were given all the leftover pastries and bread by the nice man running the corner shop, much to three students’ drunken delight. the next two days involved sleeping in, eating said pastries and pizza, telling each other awful ghost stories, forcing ned to watch national treasure, walking around london giving bad renditions of songs from les mis and one direction’s back catalogue, and baking a terrible victoria sponge cake.
my other best friend, charlotte, moved to spain this morning for her year abroad and it still hasn’t sunk in that i won’t have the ann perkins to my leslie knope living five feet away for the next twelve months. but i’m trying to think positively about this change!! as much as tv shows like to tell us, best friends won’t always live next door to one another and i’m hoping that this separation will (warning: cliche approaching) bring us closer together. and if nothing else, i might get a free holiday out of it.
i registered for university again so i’m finally going into the second year of my degree! i’m taking modules in african-american culture and history, the rise and fall of the soviet union, mandarin - amongst others - and i’m part-terrified, part-ecstatic. i’m hoping to mentor a few first years and tell them all about the mental health services available at nottingham (many of which i didn’t realise existed until i had become too overwhelmed by my anxiety). it’s astounding how many people suffer from some sort of mental health problem - not just at university - and how easy it is to pretend it simply doesn’t exist. the latter is something i am going to try and work on this year: being honest with myself. it’s a work-in-progress and i know that it’ll be hard, but i have to realise when i am struggling and ask for help, rather than believing it will all be ok if i wish it so.
just remember, nothing is as ever as bad as you overthink it to be.
Anonymous
I'm so, so sorry about your friend Ashlea. The world is a cruel place, and sometimes it seems unfair that it can still be so beautiful. Sending you all my love.
you beautiful soul, thank you.
Anonymous
what are the most important things you learnt in 2014?
dear past-self,
1) it’s not cool or fun to pretend to hate the things you love. if you love one direction and putting copious amounts of glitter on your face then that does not detract from your self-worth or make you prime for ridicule. embrace everything you adore and admire; you will lead a happier life because of it.
2) never let anyone make you feel like you’re not worthy enough. drunken texts are not the first editions of your favourite novels and don’t deserve to be treated as such. you owe it to yourself to be around people who want to be around you. you are nobody’s burden.
3) in a similar vein, start believing you’re worthy of love and affection! because you are.
4) it’s a cliché, but sometimes not getting what you want really is the best thing that could happen. acknowledge the pain you’re feeling about it right now and do something that makes you happy. in a year from now you will be stronger because of what happened.
5) never impulsively decide to get a fringe. it looked adorable on you aged 9, not so much aged 19.
ps thank you for this question!
reminder: someone’s inability to see your worth does not make you worthless. and maybe don’t waste your time waiting for him to text back.
this is for all the people who ever felt like giving up on everything and everyone; this is Part I of a list of things to remember:
1) Yearning for the past isn’t romantic, it’s stupid, and if Gatsby had just let go of the green light he would’ve lived.
2) “Nothing is infinite. Not even loss.” - Finn Butler
3) The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren’t very loveable.
4) It’s a good thing there’s balance in humankind. Some of us will build a museum, some of us will fill it with art.
5) “I know something about loving people who aren’t smart enough to want to be loved back. They don’t deserve it.” - Orange Is the New Black
6) “We are more than the worst thing that’s ever happened to us. All of us need to stop apologising for having been to hell and come back breathing.” - Clementine von Radics
7) If you can, do not shut people out. You will have good days and they should see them.
8) You deserve the kind of love you would give someone else.
9) “I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.” - Kurt Vonnegut
10) Not everyone will show their affection like you do. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
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11) You are enough. It’s ridiculous how enough you are.
